tonight, i'm going to start off with this:

4 They wandered in the wilderness in a solitary way; they found no city to dwell in.

5 Hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted in them.

6 Then they cried unto the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them out of their distresses.

7 And he led them forth by the right way, that they might go to a city of habitation.

8 Oh that men would praise the Lord for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!

9 For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness.

10 Such as sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, being bound in affliction and iron;

11 Because they rebelled against the words of God, and contemned the counsel of the most High:

12 Therefore he brought down their heart with labour; they fell down, and there was none to help.

13 Then they cried unto the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them out of their distresses.

14 He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and brake their bands in sunder.

now, why? the past couple of days, maybe weeks, i've been feeling lost. i've been feeling forgotten and invisible. but why? honestly, i'm not exactly sure.

maybe because i'm going off to college in a few months and people are learning how to live without me. maybe they're pouring their interest into something else to make it less hard for when i do leave.

or maybe it's because i've been wanting to get out, get away from this place and now that i have that opportunity people are deciding to leave me alone. or they don't realize underneath all of my excitement, i'm scared.

don't get me wrong, i'm so excited to be starting my life at college and be away from this seemingly small, suffocating town. but it means leaving behind everything i've ever known. all the people i know. driving away from all the familiar roads, and seeing those usual faces everyday.

back to the point, tonight i broke. the feeling was overwhelming and i couldn't ball it up anymore, i couldn't shove it down my throat, to my heart anymore. the tears were unstoppable. i didn't know what else to do.

i reached for my journal to write, but found my grandfather's bible. i thought why not. flipping through the pages, not sure what i was looking for, i stumbled upon psalms 107:4-14.

and it helped.

my bible verse translation skills aren't that good, but i managed to get what i was searching for out of this verse.

previously mentioned, i was feeling lost and forgotten, and invisible. but the words "they wandered in the wilderness in a solitary way//he brought them out of the darkness" made me feel not so lost, not so abandoned, and that someone could see me.

as i sit here typing this, i'm feeling better. as i sit here typing this, the realization that i can get myself through this, floods over me. and as i sit here typing this, i know i'm not alone.

i'm not alone. you're not alone. and we're not alone.

just remember that.

xoxo,
l.k